Tips on Managing Conflict Fairly
Consider the following suggestions to keep you focused on issues rather than personalities when you experience conflict.
- Be specific when you introduce a complaint.
- Do not just complain; ask for a reasonable change that will make the situation better.
- Give and receive feedback about the major points of disagreement to make sure you are understood.
- Try tolerance. Be open to your own feelings, and those of your partner. Openness means that you accept change and can verbalize that attitude towards your partner.
- Consider compromising if appropriate. Many issues involve issues that are neither right nor wrong. Ask your partner for solutions.
- Deal with one issue at a time.
- Don’t assume you know what your partner thinks or feels. Ask.
- Attack the issue, not each other.
- Don’t call each other names or use sarcasm.
- Don’t gunnysack that is, don't hosrd resentments and issues.
- Do not burden your partner with too many issues.
- Plan your message before speaking.
- Try to control your emotions.
- Try to look at both your partner’s position and yours.
- Plan a mutually agreeable time and place to explore the conflict.
- Use self-talk so as not to lash out.
- Listen to your partner.